"The best family stuff happens Intentionally"
The most important thing from this week is that through all four levels of commitment, everything is intentional. While dating (a wide variety of activities with a wide variety of people), courting (exclusively dating), engagement and marriage, every decision is made with a clear purpose. When we commit we are making a promise, an attachment and a dedication to another person. Moving from one level to another REQUIRES and intentional step over. We don't date (or court, or be married to) until we're tired of the other person. We commit because we've made a very clear choice. We want to become further involved intimacy (NOT JUST PHYSICAL), affection, values, and experiences. We want to further our satisfaction, security/resources (emotional, physical, spiritual).
Once we've decided to commit to marriage, we're introduced to many more decisions. The where, when, how and how much include both parties. So many couples are focused on how nice the venue, dress, and food are that they forget the whole point of the day; the sealing ordinance (for LDS couples) or actual union of the couple. The point of getting married isn't to have the most elegant bouquet, creative gift bags or most respected people in attendance. That's not even the point of the wedding (see the difference?)! The point of the wedding reception is for the families and community to validate and celebrate the couple, not for the couple to validate themselves. I want a wedding reception that honors and celebrates the sealing ordinance my husband and I have just covenanted to keep. I want my friends and family to be there in support, not to shower me with gifts and a fancy cake. I want a celebration honoring the fact that my husband and I have decided that regardless of our private contracts (assumptions) and role expectations we're committed to negotiating those personal contracts and clarify our expectations to make our now covenant relationship work.
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