This week we talked about how families can be reconstituted via divorce, remarriage and simply growing older. We talked about how there are different types of divorce: emotional, legal, economical, co-parental, community, and psychic. It surprised me that there can be a divorce in a relationship while the couple is still married. It seems like all of the types combined can especially lead to a legal divorce (which is what we usually think of when we hear of divorce).
What is especially interesting is the principle of "finding the opportunities in the challenges." Even through these hard times of changing the family system, we can change how we view unpleasant things. There's something about the process that changes things. When my parents were going through their divorce (when I was 12) and through the subsequent years, I faced a lot of challenges. I know it's cliche, but it was REALLY HARD. I was really fortunate that I had a solid base to lean on or I don't think I would have been able to find the opportunities.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Monday, December 7, 2015
Lesson 11: Parenting
I love word definitions and finding distinctions between word pairs once thought to be the same. "Fitting in" vs "Belonging." "Faith" vs "Belief." "Discipline" vs "Punishment." In regards to parenting our children, this last distinction can make a big difference in our relationship. The difference between the two are as follows:
Discipline is a choice.
Punishment is from a superior to an inferior.
Discipline deals with natural consequences.
Punishment is a penalty inflicted that is severe, rough, or disastrous in treatment, and not known in advance.
Discipline is age and situation appropriate.
Punishment is when consequences don't match behaviour. When the only follow through done is done in anger. When a reward is given as payment for loss or suffering. A compensation.
How do you regard your children?
When Disciplining our children, it's better to address their misbehaviour as a miscommunication of their needs. The following chart provides some examples.
Richard Popkin's "Problem-Handling Model" (because not all problems can be solved) gives us a new paradigm of teaching our children. The first question to ask is "Who owns the problem?" Who wants the change and who is affected by it?" After that, you just follow the diagram.
Discipline is a choice.
Punishment is from a superior to an inferior.
Discipline deals with natural consequences.
Punishment is a penalty inflicted that is severe, rough, or disastrous in treatment, and not known in advance.
Discipline is age and situation appropriate.
Punishment is when consequences don't match behaviour. When the only follow through done is done in anger. When a reward is given as payment for loss or suffering. A compensation.
How do you regard your children?
When Disciplining our children, it's better to address their misbehaviour as a miscommunication of their needs. The following chart provides some examples.
Richard Popkin's "Problem-Handling Model" (because not all problems can be solved) gives us a new paradigm of teaching our children. The first question to ask is "Who owns the problem?" Who wants the change and who is affected by it?" After that, you just follow the diagram.
The most important thing to follow, however, is the Holy Spirit. He will direct you, when asked with real intent, how to parent the children God has entrusted you with. He will lead you to guide with love and confidence, not lies and manipulation.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Lesson 10: Fathers and Finances
What are you trading for your money?
This was an interesting question brought up at the end of class this week. It made me more aware of what my priorities are and also reevaluate what I hold important. For example, this week we also talked about dual-income families and how they actually end up making less money than if just one person worked. When our priority is gaining money, we can lose out on relationships, time, and emotional and physical energy, all while not actually getting paid that much.
We also discussed why budgeting is important, not only because we're being responsible with what we've been given, but also it gives a couple the opportunity to cooperate in decision making. They decide how to use said money, but also their time, talents and resources. It also brings up what each partner values and where they are willing to compromise.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Lesson 9: Communication & Mutual Problem Solving
Quiz
1. Define Kærlighted
2. List 3 Kommunikasionsmedier
3. Ska' vi hygge os? Yes or no
The above example was used in our class to highlight how difficult communication can be. When both partners are communicating, it's extremely important to be on the same page (aka speaking the same language) or some major problems can start to decay the relationship. We also talked about what means we have available to answer these questions (internet/google translate, knowing similar languages, and asking questions). These are all important because without the ability to communicate issues pile up into judgements, resentment and eventually the belief that the partners are incompatible. I would say that this isn't only important in romantic relationships but in family, friend and roommate relationships too.
Another crucial aspect of communication is listening. But just hearing what the other person is saying (verbally and non-verbally) doesn't cut it. Our textbook talked about 5 dysfunctional types of listeners (faker, dependent/people pleaser, interrupter, self-conscious/wants to impress, and intellectual/relies solely on verbal cues). The key to effective listening is eye contact, concentration, responding, asking questions and controlling emotions and urges. I'll be honest, this topic got me really...aggravated because I've noticed how bad our society is as listening. We're so used to being able to respond when we want, giving only verbal cues (ie texting, facebook, snapchat) that we're really not attuned to what other people are really saying. Just because you "like" a post doesn't mean you have a relationship with that person. It really bothers me how unable we are to have real conversations. We're so distracted by our phones and our own lives, it's almost like what's the point of even being around alive human beings. Everything has gone virtual. (**rant over**)
We also discussed how the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints meet and communicate with each other and how it can be an important and helpful pattern for our own relationships. They meet in a sacred place (the temple), often (weekly), where they express love and appreciation (invites the spirit and builds relationships), pray, discuss to consensus (not a compromise where things are left out, but rather agreeance on a general truth), pray, and have a refreshment. Do you see the chiasm there? While the most important thing is discussing truths, it's surrounded by love, friendship, and a desire and willingness to obey the will of the Lord. How cool is that?!
1. Define Kærlighted
2. List 3 Kommunikasionsmedier
3. Ska' vi hygge os? Yes or no
The above example was used in our class to highlight how difficult communication can be. When both partners are communicating, it's extremely important to be on the same page (aka speaking the same language) or some major problems can start to decay the relationship. We also talked about what means we have available to answer these questions (internet/google translate, knowing similar languages, and asking questions). These are all important because without the ability to communicate issues pile up into judgements, resentment and eventually the belief that the partners are incompatible. I would say that this isn't only important in romantic relationships but in family, friend and roommate relationships too.
Another crucial aspect of communication is listening. But just hearing what the other person is saying (verbally and non-verbally) doesn't cut it. Our textbook talked about 5 dysfunctional types of listeners (faker, dependent/people pleaser, interrupter, self-conscious/wants to impress, and intellectual/relies solely on verbal cues). The key to effective listening is eye contact, concentration, responding, asking questions and controlling emotions and urges. I'll be honest, this topic got me really...aggravated because I've noticed how bad our society is as listening. We're so used to being able to respond when we want, giving only verbal cues (ie texting, facebook, snapchat) that we're really not attuned to what other people are really saying. Just because you "like" a post doesn't mean you have a relationship with that person. It really bothers me how unable we are to have real conversations. We're so distracted by our phones and our own lives, it's almost like what's the point of even being around alive human beings. Everything has gone virtual. (**rant over**)
We also discussed how the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints meet and communicate with each other and how it can be an important and helpful pattern for our own relationships. They meet in a sacred place (the temple), often (weekly), where they express love and appreciation (invites the spirit and builds relationships), pray, discuss to consensus (not a compromise where things are left out, but rather agreeance on a general truth), pray, and have a refreshment. Do you see the chiasm there? While the most important thing is discussing truths, it's surrounded by love, friendship, and a desire and willingness to obey the will of the Lord. How cool is that?!
 |
| Cycle of Communication |
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Lesson 8: Families in Crisis
It's why bad things happen to good people. It's how expectations are fulfilled. It's how happiness is created. It's what turns a crisis into an opportunity and vulnerability into strength.
Good people experience bad things. There's a myriad of reasons why we don't feel like we've been handed a fair deal and most of them fall under the umbrella of agency. The gift we've been given to choose for ourselves added to our imperfect mortality often results in hurt and pain. Our lives are filled with gray area.
The lens on how we view things gives us the ability to take seemingly negative experiences and make them into positive learning opportunities.
A key part of this is the idea that just because it happens, doesn't mean it's God's will. Again, we have agency. He wants us to act for ourselves; making decisions based on study and conversations with him. Heavenly Father does not, however, want his children to violate and hurt each other, but we're imperfect and thus why he's given us the additional gift of the Atonement. The key is repentance, and forgiveness will follow. It's hard, but you stick with it.
"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late and some don't come til heaven, but for those who embrace the gospel of Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust god and believe in good things to come." Jeffery R. Holland
One important moment happened in class while we were talking about abuse, and how to help others cope with its effects. My teacher was reenacting when a young man was down on his knees apologizing to his sister for violating her a few years before. Suddenly everything came back and the thought came to me, "if my abuser, the man who not only hurt me but hurt the ones I love, knelt down in front of me and genuinely apologized, I would forgive him. (Fortunately, I've already made that decision, forgave him, and let the Savior's Atonement take the pain, hurt, and grief from my heart) BUT what I wouldn't give to have that experience of a heartfelt apology. I could feel in that moment the pure love Heavenly Father has for his children who turn to him and repent. Satan will tell us that there's no way Father would ever love us again after the mistakes we've made, that we can't ever turn back to Him. THIS IS A LIE. I believe that Father is not only waiting for us to come to him but pleading for us to cast off Satan's influence. Through the Atonement of Christ, we're able to feel the love Father has for us and His children.
Monday, November 9, 2015
Lesson 7: Sexual Intimacy and Family Life
This week we talked about one of the most intimate things in family life: sex. It's not dirty or taboo. It's sacred and when used inappropriately there WILL be problems.
For example, our teacher shared a story about his wife at a social gathering. While sitting around and chatting, their extremely personal lives became a topic of discussion. Our teachers wife then came home and relayed the stories back to her husband. When questioned if she had shared anything, his wife insisted she hadn't, but our teacher wasn't convinced. I can't remember his reasoning behind not believing her, but my thinking was this: if she's willing to retell these private things in detail to her husband then why wouldn't she also share other things with other people. (DISCLAIMER: I'm sure she's a wonderful and kind woman). It got me thinking of how curiosities don't equate a right to know. Just because I'm curious about what happens regarding X, Y, or Z doesn't mean I need an answer or to even to ask the question.
This concept goes along with the idea that an urge is NOT an emergency. When we feel compelled to do something, we have to think about how it will affect others and how/how soon it should be done. This goes with any and all aspects of our relationships with others. (the key word here being OTHERS) Relationships don't work if the "me monster" is taking control. Constant care, vigilance, and consideration should be enacted especially when we choose to be with someone the rest of eternity.
Additional Fun Facts
-men want sex to feel secure, women want security to have sex
-hormones released during sexual intercourse: Serotonin (wellness and warmth), Dopamine (excitement and thrill), Oxytocin (produced in women, bonding)
-we fall in love with falling in love
-types of infidelity: fantasy, visual, romantic, physical
-covenants create boundaries
-it's not about your partner, it's about your covenant to God (cheating God)
For example, our teacher shared a story about his wife at a social gathering. While sitting around and chatting, their extremely personal lives became a topic of discussion. Our teachers wife then came home and relayed the stories back to her husband. When questioned if she had shared anything, his wife insisted she hadn't, but our teacher wasn't convinced. I can't remember his reasoning behind not believing her, but my thinking was this: if she's willing to retell these private things in detail to her husband then why wouldn't she also share other things with other people. (DISCLAIMER: I'm sure she's a wonderful and kind woman). It got me thinking of how curiosities don't equate a right to know. Just because I'm curious about what happens regarding X, Y, or Z doesn't mean I need an answer or to even to ask the question.
This concept goes along with the idea that an urge is NOT an emergency. When we feel compelled to do something, we have to think about how it will affect others and how/how soon it should be done. This goes with any and all aspects of our relationships with others. (the key word here being OTHERS) Relationships don't work if the "me monster" is taking control. Constant care, vigilance, and consideration should be enacted especially when we choose to be with someone the rest of eternity.
Additional Fun Facts
-men want sex to feel secure, women want security to have sex
-hormones released during sexual intercourse: Serotonin (wellness and warmth), Dopamine (excitement and thrill), Oxytocin (produced in women, bonding)
-we fall in love with falling in love
-types of infidelity: fantasy, visual, romantic, physical
-covenants create boundaries
-it's not about your partner, it's about your covenant to God (cheating God)
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Lesson 6: Transitions in Marriage
"The best family stuff happens Intentionally"
The most important thing from this week is that through all four levels of commitment, everything is intentional. While dating (a wide variety of activities with a wide variety of people), courting (exclusively dating), engagement and marriage, every decision is made with a clear purpose. When we commit we are making a promise, an attachment and a dedication to another person. Moving from one level to another REQUIRES and intentional step over. We don't date (or court, or be married to) until we're tired of the other person. We commit because we've made a very clear choice. We want to become further involved intimacy (NOT JUST PHYSICAL), affection, values, and experiences. We want to further our satisfaction, security/resources (emotional, physical, spiritual).
Once we've decided to commit to marriage, we're introduced to many more decisions. The where, when, how and how much include both parties. So many couples are focused on how nice the venue, dress, and food are that they forget the whole point of the day; the sealing ordinance (for LDS couples) or actual union of the couple. The point of getting married isn't to have the most elegant bouquet, creative gift bags or most respected people in attendance. That's not even the point of the wedding (see the difference?)! The point of the wedding reception is for the families and community to validate and celebrate the couple, not for the couple to validate themselves. I want a wedding reception that honors and celebrates the sealing ordinance my husband and I have just covenanted to keep. I want my friends and family to be there in support, not to shower me with gifts and a fancy cake. I want a celebration honoring the fact that my husband and I have decided that regardless of our private contracts (assumptions) and role expectations we're committed to negotiating those personal contracts and clarify our expectations to make our now covenant relationship work.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Lesson 5: Preparing for Marriage
This week was super applicable to my life because I'm in the "Preparing for Marriage" stage of life (aka dating and courtship). Being a student at BYU-Idaho sometimes feels like speed dating on steroids. In almost every class, church meeting, and social event there's mention of dating and marriage. Even at stake conference (lingo explained here) today it was explain that we should be going on dates at least once a week (um, who has time for that?) and that in order to go on dates we need to talk to the opposite gender (whhaaaaaat? who knew it was that simple!? If only...)
Anyway, in class we discussed the purposes of dating, what filters are involved when choosing someone to marry (aka physicality, values, hobbies, temperament, location...), and most importantly:
WHAT IS LOVE?
According to the Greeks there are 4 types of love:
1. Storge (like between parent and child)
2. Philia (warm and close, like between friends)
3. Eros (romantic and physical, like between lovers)
4. Agape (independent of feelings, acting on well-being of another, selfless).
There's also the Triangular Theory:
1. Non love (lacks all 3)
2. Liking (intimacy w/o passion and commitment)
3. Infatuation (passion w/o intimacy and commitment)
4. Empty (commitment w/o passion and intimacy)
5. Romantic (intimacy and passion w/o commitment)
6. Companionate (intimacy and commitment w/o passion)
7. Fatuous (passion and commitment w/o intimacy)
8. **Consummate (all 3)**
Something SUPER interesting was the discussion of LDS dating culture and how we can get confused when selecting a spouse. This included "Misattribution of Arousal." This concept is attributing the wrong emotion to physical arousal. Example: like when you have butterflies, pounding heart, increased blood pressure, shaking hands, and attribute it to love. This is also often seen when going the temple to pray about marrying someone. When we go to the temple we usually feel at peace because of how the environment is set up and who's house it is. But we have to be careful with what the conversation looks like. Instead of asking "Should I marry this person" and feeling at peace about it (because we're in the temple), ask more for confirmation and guidance. ("help me to continue to know this relationship is good.")
This idea goes along with another point made by my stake president this weekend. The basic idea is that we have to act in faith (which is based on TRUTH, not beliefs). God isn't going to make the decision for you. If both parties are willing to commit their relationship to each other and to God, then sure! Go for it! I think the only reason why God would give a "no" answer is if there are still things that need to be worked out, or more conversations that need to be had before a serious decision is made. PLEASE act and don't be acted upon. Don't depend on God to make all of your decisions for you (aka don't be commanded in all things).
This idea goes along with another point made by my stake president this weekend. The basic idea is that we have to act in faith (which is based on TRUTH, not beliefs). God isn't going to make the decision for you. If both parties are willing to commit their relationship to each other and to God, then sure! Go for it! I think the only reason why God would give a "no" answer is if there are still things that need to be worked out, or more conversations that need to be had before a serious decision is made. PLEASE act and don't be acted upon. Don't depend on God to make all of your decisions for you (aka don't be commanded in all things).
Bruce Chadwick gave a talk at BYU, also inviting us to act, titled "Hanging out, Hooking up and Celestial Marriage. He gave some important points and then expanded on them. He the main points he made were to:
1. "Throw out the glass slipper" (there is no "the one" SO STOP IT!)
2. "Don't wait for others to carry your glass slipper" (be proactive)
3. Exercise faith and have courage in dating and marriage (there will be somethings you DON'T know)
4. "Keep physical intimacy appropriate" (inappropriate contact tends to REALLY confuse things.)
1. "Throw out the glass slipper" (there is no "the one" SO STOP IT!)
2. "Don't wait for others to carry your glass slipper" (be proactive)
3. Exercise faith and have courage in dating and marriage (there will be somethings you DON'T know)
4. "Keep physical intimacy appropriate" (inappropriate contact tends to REALLY confuse things.)
Final Thoughts: Dating isn't about finding "the one." It's about finding out what works for you and who you really want to progress with. It's about loving and trusting God enough to use your agency in choosing and acting. It's about knowing what love actually is and deciding if you can give that to someone else for the rest of forever.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Lesson 4: Gender and Family Life
Are men and women different? Television shows, music, advertisements, stores and wage earnings would have us believe they're more different than same. However, we're more alike than not. We have similar needs (survival, self-esteem, intimacy, growth, control, achievement, and recreation). We each experience feelings, what to give and receive support in personal trials and want to belong. So why this battle of the sexes for who's better and what roles we need to fulfill?
Because we ARE different. We express feelings differently, and experience different types of emotion. Our attention spans, aspirations, diseases and addictions, life expectancy and structure of the brain all differ between each gender.
Confused yet? We all are. This is part of where the feminist movement came up. They wanted to make women a valuable part of society; not for the way they held their napkins, softly agreed with their men or looked, but because they actually have something to contribute. This movement however got out of hand when it argued that women were better. Isn't this what they were fighting? That not one gender is of more value than the other? Two words: messed up.
While I love how women were at the center of the fight for equality (I mean, we are now able to vote, own land, work outside the house, and keep our children after a divorce), I hate how it's now gotten to where our men are belittled.
We also talked about Same-Sex Attraction (SSA) and it's root and effect on gender roles and the family. In an article we read for class, "Homosexuality: Innate and Immutable? What Science can and cannot say" by A. Dean Byrd, it was discussed that studies done to show that SSA is genetic were biased and didn't have a large enough sample size (aka it wasn't representative of the population). What really irked me is that Lisa Diamond was quoted as saying "It may well be that for now, the safest way to advocate for lesbian/gay/bisexual rights is to keep propagating a deterministic model; sexual minorities are born that way and can never be otherwise. If this is an easier route to acceptance (which may in fact be the case), is it really so bad that it is inaccurate?"
WHAT?!?!
I'm not terribly concerned with the causes of SSA (for the sake of this post). What I'm concerned about is the "facts" behind it. Especially with the previous quote by Ms. Diamond. If we accept inaccurate information, no matter what the subject, doesn't' that make us liars? I would rather struggle with the truth than to be coddled by a lie. If you want me to accept something, tell me the truth and let me work it out for myself. I worked in collections for two years (not exactly important but...) and in one of our team meetings it was brought up that we needed to "not raise our voice, but improve our argument." This connotates intelligent research and not bending the results in order to fit some agenda. If you want me to rally behind SSA/Marriage, give me the benefits to society, give me the results that it's healthy and it works. DON'T LIE TO ME!
I'm a firm believer that marriage is between a man and a women, not just because of my religious beliefs (which you can read more about here), but because I've read the research (some of which is shown here) academia has provided. I'm not homophobic or hate those that are different, just because our beliefs don't match up. I believe in love and kindness and finding a common ground. I believe in finding the value in others and developing their strengths and dreams because they're HUMAN BEINGS.
I'm forever being propelled by an advertisement done by Airbnb, that show's regardless of race, religion, ability, experience or status, mankind has IMMENSE value.
("Is man kind? Are we good? Go see. Look thru their windows so you can understand their views. Sit at their tables so you can share their tastes. Sleep in their beds so you may know their dreams. Go see, and find out just how kind the hes and shes of this man kind are.")
Because we ARE different. We express feelings differently, and experience different types of emotion. Our attention spans, aspirations, diseases and addictions, life expectancy and structure of the brain all differ between each gender.
Confused yet? We all are. This is part of where the feminist movement came up. They wanted to make women a valuable part of society; not for the way they held their napkins, softly agreed with their men or looked, but because they actually have something to contribute. This movement however got out of hand when it argued that women were better. Isn't this what they were fighting? That not one gender is of more value than the other? Two words: messed up.
While I love how women were at the center of the fight for equality (I mean, we are now able to vote, own land, work outside the house, and keep our children after a divorce), I hate how it's now gotten to where our men are belittled.
We also talked about Same-Sex Attraction (SSA) and it's root and effect on gender roles and the family. In an article we read for class, "Homosexuality: Innate and Immutable? What Science can and cannot say" by A. Dean Byrd, it was discussed that studies done to show that SSA is genetic were biased and didn't have a large enough sample size (aka it wasn't representative of the population). What really irked me is that Lisa Diamond was quoted as saying "It may well be that for now, the safest way to advocate for lesbian/gay/bisexual rights is to keep propagating a deterministic model; sexual minorities are born that way and can never be otherwise. If this is an easier route to acceptance (which may in fact be the case), is it really so bad that it is inaccurate?"
WHAT?!?!
I'm not terribly concerned with the causes of SSA (for the sake of this post). What I'm concerned about is the "facts" behind it. Especially with the previous quote by Ms. Diamond. If we accept inaccurate information, no matter what the subject, doesn't' that make us liars? I would rather struggle with the truth than to be coddled by a lie. If you want me to accept something, tell me the truth and let me work it out for myself. I worked in collections for two years (not exactly important but...) and in one of our team meetings it was brought up that we needed to "not raise our voice, but improve our argument." This connotates intelligent research and not bending the results in order to fit some agenda. If you want me to rally behind SSA/Marriage, give me the benefits to society, give me the results that it's healthy and it works. DON'T LIE TO ME!
I'm a firm believer that marriage is between a man and a women, not just because of my religious beliefs (which you can read more about here), but because I've read the research (some of which is shown here) academia has provided. I'm not homophobic or hate those that are different, just because our beliefs don't match up. I believe in love and kindness and finding a common ground. I believe in finding the value in others and developing their strengths and dreams because they're HUMAN BEINGS.
I'm forever being propelled by an advertisement done by Airbnb, that show's regardless of race, religion, ability, experience or status, mankind has IMMENSE value.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Lesson 3: Social Class & Cultural Diversity
While we talked about social classes (People Like Us: Social Class in America) and diversity within and among cultures, the most interesting part was the discussion on boundaries. Boundaries are interesting because different cultures (family, race, ethnicity, religion) have different boundaries, both with outside cultures (the whole) and within the culture itself (the individual).
Some cultures have diffuse or open boundaries. This is like having fence posts set up but nothing connecting them. Anyone, anything, can come in and out whenever and as much as they want.
Others have rigid or closed boundaries; like a cement brick wall. Nothing comes in; nothing goes out.
The last is a clear boundary. Like an idyllic picket-fence, it's inviting but also sets up a feeling of "you're welcome, but on my terms."
This discussion of boundaries involved what aspects of family culture do we want to project forward? Basically, what do I value enough to have a part of my future home. It got me thinking about my family and the diffuse and rigid boundaries are set up. I think because there wasn't a clear boundary to start off with, the fence became either more rigid or diffuse depending on the experience. Diffuse boundaries allowed abuse, manipulation, and back-biting, which led to a need to protect self (thus the rigid boundaries). I want to project forward clear boundaries, as they promote healthy relationships (open to communication and negotiation).
ALSO!!! We did this "Hair Band" activity, where each dot below is represented by 3 different people's fingers. As the blue dot moves away, the pink and orange dots move closer together. Can you get the connection between boundaries, families, and relationships?
Lesson 2: Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories
We recently discussed theories (attempts to explain phenomena) of why families function the way they do. These include Systems, Exchange, Symbolic Interaction, and Conflict theories.
Systems Theory
Argument that the "whole is more than sums." Everything is intertwined with little influence from the outside and that individual problems come from a problem in the system.
Exchange Theory
Argument of "you owe me one." The costs are lower than the rewards because of rational assessment of the situation.
Symbolic Interaction
Argument of the importance of the interaction of experiences and the symbols involved. One tricky part is that symbols (eg. words or actions) have different meanings to different people. With this theory it's important to think "where do my symbols come from? What about my friends/family/peers?"
Conflict Theory
Argument that not everyone is satisfied because of inequality/conflict/changes. The goal is to get one's own needs, interests and goals met. The interesting thing about this theory is that conflict isn't bad; it's just a difference in will, experience or opinion.
So what? Why should we care about theories, especially in regards to families and relationships? Because theories are an attempt to explain, we can reference them when problems arise or when we want to change an aspect of our relationships with others. If we're consistently arguing with others it could be the result of an unequal meeting of desires, different interpretations of conversations or actions, or because we feel entitled to something. Once we realize there's more going in, we can reevaluate the situation and decide if we want to build and maintain our relationship, or move on.
Systems Theory
Argument that the "whole is more than sums." Everything is intertwined with little influence from the outside and that individual problems come from a problem in the system.
Exchange Theory
Argument of "you owe me one." The costs are lower than the rewards because of rational assessment of the situation.
Symbolic Interaction
Argument of the importance of the interaction of experiences and the symbols involved. One tricky part is that symbols (eg. words or actions) have different meanings to different people. With this theory it's important to think "where do my symbols come from? What about my friends/family/peers?"
Conflict Theory
Argument that not everyone is satisfied because of inequality/conflict/changes. The goal is to get one's own needs, interests and goals met. The interesting thing about this theory is that conflict isn't bad; it's just a difference in will, experience or opinion.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Lesson 1: Societal Trends and the Family
This week we talked about myths and trends regarding the family. I found it interesting the myths that opposites attract, we marry for love, happy couples don't fight, a good sex life means a good marriage and that 50% of marriages end in divorce. These were dispelled as myths because of studies conducted and trends observed in these studies. Our teacher then posed a question: which trends are significant and WHY? The significant trends, like premarital sex and cohabitation, can influence other trends like cohabitation and putting off children.
My personal belief is that cohabitation isn't beneficial to healthy relationships but I wanted more information, so I went to Facebook (yes, still biased, but it expanded things a little). I got opinions from it's a practice for marriage to it's a practice for divorce. But overall the consensus was that it breaks down relationships because of a lack of commitment. Why is this? It's because at any time either partner could leave. There's no commitment of a shared household, just the feeling of VERY intimate roommates. However I can understand why it's popular: the basic need for intimacy (love, affection, caring, deep attachment) coupled with the fear of rejection.
In class we talked about types of loneliness: social (a need for interpersonal interaction) and emotional (need for intimate relationships). The consequences of loneliness are physical and emotional health problems, increased stress, negative emotions (and more). The way to combat this is not through cohabitation, but rather in a married relationship. While marriage doesn't fix or eliminate problems, it creates a better environment.
"Happily ever after does not mean with never a difference nor disagreement."
My personal belief is that cohabitation isn't beneficial to healthy relationships but I wanted more information, so I went to Facebook (yes, still biased, but it expanded things a little). I got opinions from it's a practice for marriage to it's a practice for divorce. But overall the consensus was that it breaks down relationships because of a lack of commitment. Why is this? It's because at any time either partner could leave. There's no commitment of a shared household, just the feeling of VERY intimate roommates. However I can understand why it's popular: the basic need for intimacy (love, affection, caring, deep attachment) coupled with the fear of rejection.
In class we talked about types of loneliness: social (a need for interpersonal interaction) and emotional (need for intimate relationships). The consequences of loneliness are physical and emotional health problems, increased stress, negative emotions (and more). The way to combat this is not through cohabitation, but rather in a married relationship. While marriage doesn't fix or eliminate problems, it creates a better environment.
"Happily ever after does not mean with never a difference nor disagreement."
My brother and his wife, Holly, on their wedding day, then a year later, after being sealed in the Logan, Utah LDS Temple. " I love being married. I wouldn't want it any other way." -Stuart Sogla
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Intro
A little bit about myself: My name is Stephanie Sogla but I usually go by Steph. I hail from Eau Claire, WI and I just turned 23. I'm in my 6th semester here at BYU-Idaho (aka byu-i do) but I recently changed my major from psychology to child development, so I've still got some time left in "The Burg." This blog contains my musings about my Family 160 class. What will it include? Only time (and my professor) will tell. Please feel free to leave comments and questions!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)